2019.02.11 – Feeling inadequate

Making sure I don’t screw up the recipe

Last night something interesting hit me while scrolling through Instagram – even Olympic athletes are not perfect 24×7. His luge suit showed that fold between the waist and hips that you often get when you don’t have that perfect washboard abs. It’s clear that he gained a bit of a gut since the Olympics last year yet, he is still sexy AF. This is when I realized that thirst trapping people with sexy bodies on IG is a very unhealthy habit for myself and many others.

We are living in a culture of perfection and most people are not perfect. Due to social media, the line between good and healthy and perfection is so blurry. I know many people who think I look fantastic. Yet when I compare myself to others on social media, I feel inadequate. And it is hard to stop doing.

Maybe I should make a Just for Fans for this…
Searing my meat!

While I was cooking my meals for the week last night part of me was thinking I should do a Just for Fans or YouTube stream of me cooking and doing meal prep in Spandex and Latex. Yet every time I think about it, I feel inadequate comparing myself to the perfect men on that site and that voice inside of me goes ‘You are not good enough for that’

I am thinking to myself, maybe I should say fuck it and just do it. See if it gains any traction. Get the reactions from people. Additional passive income is never a bad thing. But then the devil on the other side of my shoulder goes ‘Who would want to watch that?’ It’s a mentally destructive cycle. I need to break this cycle.

Showing off the chopped apples!

If I was do start doing some sort of stream or channel of me in spandex meal prepping/cooking what type of food would you want to see? Comment back to me on Twitter @PupShiny with suggestions.

Admiring the pork loin roast before it goes into the slow cooker

2019.01.26 – Traffic

Post run coffee after a less stressful run

On Thursday – I nearly got hit by a car during my morning run. This was in the residential part of the neighborhood where every intersection is a four way stop, and all of the speed limits are 25mph. Yet, it is such a common sight for people to speed down the roads doing 40mph and blowing through the stop signs. This is what nearly happened to me. Given the vast amount of crazy spandex I have, I rarely wear clothing out that would make me hard to see.

What I was wearing on my run Thursday

As you can see, it is not like I am going to blend into the urban jungle of concrete with this. Lots of contrast and crazy colors. And it is not like I run at an ultra-fast pace where it would be hard to judge how fast I am going. Between 8:30-9:00 min/mile is what is sustainable for me – and honestly given my weight and build it is a pretty respectable time to sustain.

Nearly every week someone doesn’t stop or yield and gives this “I’m sorry” wave thinking that will make everything better. It’s 50:50 if they continue going or stop giving you that look like they are doing you a favor. To me this is the part that just makes my blood boil. SF already has one of the highest pedestrian accident rates in the nation.

The only time you should ever give that “I’m sorry” wave is when you honestly fucked up. Not stopping for a stop sign or not yielding for pedestrian traffic in a marked crosswalk (especially in a residential neighborhood) are times when you can’t claim you are sorry. You actively made a decision that could put others in harm – own up to it.

People also want to treat the neighborhood roads like raceways. I see this nearly every day when I commute to the office. Every day on Fulton I see people speeding down doing 50+ mph on a 30mph road that is next to Golden Gate Park. I see more and more people running _really_ red lights. Or the best are people who race from light to light on the times roads like Great Highway, Sunset, and Oak/Fell. Just go the speed limit and you hit everyone green without stopping. All I can think of is where are you in a rush to get to?

SF wants to reduce deaths and injuries on the streets, but there is never enforcement. When are we going to say enough is enough? But enough of this – here is more of my ass.

2019.01.03 – Yay for slow tablets

Before Coffee

Last night was a disaster. On the way home I decided to stop by Trader Joe’s in Stonestown and grab stuff to make dinner, or so I thought. The students from SFSU were back in town and that store was picked over of nearly everything I needed. Time for plan b – Smart and Final and even that backfired. The only chicken left were breasts, ether with ribs or boneless/skinless and I needed drumsticks and thighs. On top of that, I have never seen the meat section in such disarray that it wasn’t worth it.

I should have taken a picture and sent something to their HQ since this was rather unacceptable. But instead I decided to just put back the one item I already grabbed and head home to drop off my car and grab some Ramen. Only to find out that the place I wanted to go to was closed for the night for some reason – sigh.

After hitting up a taqueria I head back home and realized I didn’t have much to do. Instead of playing a game or watching stuff on TV/Netflix/YouTube I decided to grab the Kindle Fire that is velcroed to the kitchen cabinet and read.

After coffee

This is something I really just haven’t done in a while. I have been trying to read more on my phone, but I quickly realized tonight it is not the same experience. The biggest change is that the Kindle Fire is so slow that I have nearly no apps on it outside of the Amazon ecosystem (Hey – it is used mainly to look up recipes and for timers).

Before I knew it I was halfway through reading a book that has been on my queue to read. There was something mentally uplifting about this. It has felt like my ADD has taken over my life for the last year and has been hard to just focus. I think a lot of the distraction is the constant notifications or the need to check if someone has responded on social media.

Then it hit me – Technology is one part of why my ADD has been worse. The constant notifications. The barrage of emails. The constant @channel abuse on slack. And worse, the addiction of apps that designers knowingly do to make sure you go back to that application to get your dopamine hit.

Time to face the day

Removing Facebook from my Phone is something I had to do out of keeping my mind sane due to the negative feedback cycle. Twitter is easy avoid since I can’t open it in public or work due to the mass amount of adult content I have on my feed there. Even though Instagram is still there – it doesn’t seem to consume my time or cause the rage I get from Facebook. Lastly, MeWe is just too new to have enough of a distraction aspect to it that I feel like I can safely ignore it (I might have to revisit that if it gains more steam).

Maybe 2019 will be the year of Phone App bankruptcy. Removing all of the distraction whore apps from it. The phone and social media are not 100% to blame for my focus issues, but they are as slice of it.

Just knowing that I was able to sit down last night and read made a big difference.

2019.01.02 – Fear of Facebook

You are not going to see this one on Facebook.

Typically I will post up my selfies to Facebook without fear most of the time. But recently more and more people I know are getting wrangled in Facebook jail over images that used to be fine. Having read the current rules, there is part of me that wants to post this and argue with them that my penis is not erect and that I am not soliciting sex. But I know this will be a lost cause since the human reviewers do not share the same social norms as my community. Maybe I should get some wrestling mats and then say I have the toughest sport of them all, wrestling with getting up in the morning.

Yet, this will go on to Instagram and not trigger off any warnings. It is crazy how the two platforms owned by the same company can have different norms and algorithms.

More wrestling with my coffee

Other than worries about getting the ban hammer over spandex selfies – my motivation is nearly zero. Which ironically is the temperature by the office. According to my weather app it is 0 Celsius by the office. My debate right now is do I want to deal with cold on the motorcycle or drive the cage. I’ll probably take Matte in, but I will have to bundle up.

I love how my ass looks in singlets

After watching the news for a bit while writing this, it reminded me that I still have no major New Year resolutions. The question is, should I come up with some? I am thinking no. Outside of attempting a Triathlon this year I don’t think I have anything that warrants a big goal.

Don’t come between and my coffee, it’s the only thing keeping me sane

2018.12.30 – 5k Again!

Found a new use for the Hue lights – selfie accents!

Over the last month, it has been a battle to get my body back to running a daily 5k run again.

The biggest impact to me was getting hit with a bad cold followed by the Camp Fire in November. When everything finally cleared up, just around the start of December, my body was still feeling the effects of all of the smoke that was in the air. And today, I finally ran a 5k run without having to slow down for any significant time and hope to repeat it tomorrow morning.

With it being cold and dark early in the morning it has been real hard to get motivated. Yes I know it is not _that_ cold in SF – but it has been been 6c outside the last few mornings. The lack of daylight has been affecting my mood severely this year compared to the last few.

The cold windy weather didn’t help my ad-hoc travel plans either. I took Monday off thinking maybe I could go to SoCal. Hotels were just too expensive to stay somewhere for NYE and on top of that it was going to be nearly as cold in LA or SD. I am feeling kinda in a rut not having taken a weekend road trip somewhere in a bit.

It is extremely easy to fall off a healthy habit not not pick it back up. The advice I really want to give others is don’t discourage someone from doing a healthy activity. Telling someone that they can procrastinate just makes it harder to get back in the habit and it is really easy this time of year when there are natural demotivating factors.

All I can do is tell myself “Keep your chin up, doggo!”

At the very least keep it up for the selfies.

2018.12.15 – Cyborgs and Food


This robot is fueled and awaiting orders.

I finally found something to help zip up the back of the robot catsuit this morning and took a bunch of selfies. The look is nearly perfect on me. I can’t wait to do my first run wearing this and watching the tourist stare at me while running through Golden Gate Park. Expect to see more of it.

Flash forward a few hours to after my run today, I headed out to grab lunch. But before I left I tossed a bag in my hoodie pocket just in case I decided to go grocery shopping after. While walking to get lunch I decided to say screw it and just make lunch at home despite the time and hunger I had going.

The reason why I did that was I really didn’t feel like spending nearly 20 bucks grabbing a simple lunch somewhere. Lately it seems like the cost of eating out nearly everywhere in SF is quickly approaching 20 dollars minimum. Ordering a large pizza from my go to pizza place is now over $40! Even my go to Banh Mi shop has increased prices to between $7.50 and $9.00 per sandwich! While there are a few gems out there that are cheap – twenty minimum has been my rule of thumb.

For a city known for its food, we seem to be losing a lot of our cheap and down to earth places – and this is a key part of being a successful food town. The best food I have when traveling are little hole in the wall local places. I keep on thinking to myself something has to give. And I am not the only one noticing: https://www.businessinsider.com/san-francisco-new-york-restaurant-scene-changing-high-rent-cost-of-living-2018-12

Instead for 20 dollars, I got stuff to make some creamy garlic pasta with little sausages and I have enough leftovers for at least 4 more meals.

This cyborg is awaiting fuel!

Giving in to the cyborg fantasy and having a feeding tube of Soylent shoved down my throat while my overlords do as they please to my body might be the most cost effective thing to do. If not it is also time effective. Get a full meal and all of the sexual desires out of you. When I think about it, the time spent setting up for this scene by cleaning out, attaching all of the electrodes on to the body, inserting a feeding tube, being restrained, attaching a milker, turning everything on, and being put into bliss for a few orgasms will be quicker than going to a nice place to eat on a Friday or Saturday night.

Some food for thought.

Maybe there is a glitch in the system?

2018.12.10 – This one is not going on Facebook

Being part of the sexual revolution 2.0 while fully covered up

Another good article on what is going on in our community has come out today – this time from Violet Blue published on Engadget (which ironically is owned by Verizon but has managed to stay independent of the corporate overlords) – https://www.engadget.com/2018/12/07/the-internet-war-on-sex-is-here/

If you read nothing else from the article – take to heart the following paragraphs.

So, since that’s what they all say, it’s probable no one really knows why Tumblr is doing this; FOSTA has been blamed, and so has Apple’s app store gatekeeping practices. Rightly so, because Apple’s role in censoring and suppressing sexual speech is longstanding, and so vile and insidious that it’ll make you rage-smash an iPhone if you take it all in at once.


But the arc of internet sex censorship is long, and it bends as far away from justice (and reason) as possible. Corporations controlling the internet had been steadily (and sneakily, hypocritically) moving this direction all along, at great expense to women, LGBT people, artists, educators, writers, and marginalized communities — and to the delight of bigots and conservatives everywhere.

While my generation only read about the sexual revolution, it feels like we are about to re-live it. This time with faster communication and a way more connected word.

My advice – don’t let others take away your rights to be who you are. The world is not all within an app – don’t be afraid to leave the walled gardens corporations have made for you.

Hey now, it’s cold in SF and I didn’t feel like turning the heaters on for the 45 minutes before hopping on the motorcycle.

2018.12.09 – Is my ass adult content?

One of my selfies from last week posted on to Instagram
Is my bulge a bit too large in these Aquaman Leggings?

Interesting times we are in. I think we are seeing the effects of FOSTA/SESTA hit. If you don’t know what it is Vox has a great article talking about what they expected the impacts to be. https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/4/13/17172762/fosta-sesta-backpage-230-internet-freedom Yet, the vagueness of the laws have made it so that legal and consensual adult content is wrapped up in it. Can you really blame the platforms for taking a wide and vague stance on what may constitute it given the risks? Do we as a community offer enough revenue in order for one of these giant social media companies to fight for us?

Major platforms are executing hair-trigger bans, content deletion, and account removals over content that used to be allowed. This weekend alone, two of my friends got put into FB jail over a images that would have been fine in the past. By my own review of the current Facebook community standards my morning selfies could be in violation if they wanted to make the argument for it.

My concern is many in the fetish, kink, and queer communities are starting to get deplatformed. The one that scares me is what happens when Facebook decides that our events can’t be published there. Facebook has become the defacto event planning tool for many – and I have not seen anyone provide a good replacement for getting the word out online about events. And very recently – there was a Vox article about how effective no-platforming has been and how it may impact anyone. https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/12/5/18125507/milo-yiannopoulos-debt-no-platform

As a result of all of the turmoil, I have not been posting my selfies up to Facebook directly wondering will I trigger off something. Maybe I will post one up with the link to my post here and see if anything happens. One of my friends think I will be fine since my selfies often have that component of Men’s Health along with it (running, cycling, etc). He may be right – and I hope so.

In other news – should I go to Aquaman wearing this next weekend?

2018.12.07 – Time to break the silence

I have not been posting much up to my blog lately. This has mostly been to the funk I have been in over the last few months. Also I have gotten feedback from many that they refuse to click out the walled gardens of most social media platforms which lead me to feeling like this was a waste of time.

Over the last few months we have see Facebook change their Community Standards Policy: Link to Queerty article

Tumblr is banning adult content: Link to The Verge article

We have lost Craigslist and the personal section: Link to a Washington Post article

The effects on free speech due to FOSTA/SESTA are real. I guarantee you that your federal representative and senators voted for it – there was very little opposition to it. This added fuel to this fire and now years later we are seeing it ignite. Let’s not delude ourselves as a community – we are caught up in it and many people you know have been fighting the effects of this law.

What we need to do is get ourselves distributed again. Not let our community in the had one of a few mega corporations like Facebook and Verizon have the stranglehold on how we communicate. All they need to do to erase us is change their moderation policy – and with the broad strokes Section 230 gives them, I am afraid we have very little to fight back on.

Paying for hosting isn’t that expensive. It costs me less than a night out drinking to operate my sites for the year. If you have the balls to tell me this is too expensive, and you are holding a top-shelf cocktail in your hand at a SF bar I will be calling out your bullshit.

If you say it is too inconvenient to click a link to a friend’s externally hosted site – I will call your bullshit. This is the complacency that is about to get many communities silenced.

At the same time be weary about where you jump ship to. The world is not safe – know who you are giving this sensitive content to. We are entering a time where the US seems to be getting more socially uptight again and people will use it against you.

Over the next month I am going to spend some time getting both my SFW and NSFW (this) site updated and make this my primary social media outlet.

2018.09.17 – Vacation is over

Realizing that I have 13 business days of e-mails to filter

Over the last 18 days I was on a road trip and now the reality of having to catch up and go back to work is kicking in. Sometime between now and this weekend I will get my Silicon Valley Pride pictures done (since I didn’t have time before the trip to finish them) and start slowly typing my journal from the trip. I am going to get back more to my normal pattern in a bit.

The more Facebook friendly angle.