Actually – one of the habits I need to get back in to is my selfie habit. I have not been good about posting them up to my site here and I need to just do it again.
Part of the reason is I take the motorcycle in to the office now. When I was taking the train, it was easy for me to write down my thoughts and post up the selfies with them. But now, I just don’t feel like writing when I get home or before I leave. I really want to get back to doing it again – so let’s start.
Last night I attended yet another meetup related to work. Throughout the evening all I could think about was how fast the world is moving. In the last five years, the industry I work in has taken a completely new direction, and I am not sure if the fast pace of change is really a good thing. The reality of the world is that you have to embrace change. Change never stops and sometimes you just need to embrace it and dive in head first. When others are dragging their feet, all you can do is drag them along or let them sink on their own.
Embracing change means you also embrace failure. When things don’t work right, get up, figure out what the hell went wrong, and make things better. And looking back for too long just keeps you stuck in the past. You can step back for a minute, but the longer you wait to tackle the failure, the more the world will have changed around you.
This chain of thought was kicked off by InspiroBot. Yes – the joke AI that makes random quote images. It generated the image above last night, and it really got me thinking.
Every time I ride the motorcycle I do put myself at a very high risk of something bad happening to me. I have been viewing learning and buying a motorcycle as a birth of a new life – the life that I wish I had a few years ago, but kept on putting aside. I put aside nearly everything when my I am riding and in a way it is like I am stepping away from my former self. I now feel like a different person – there is this sense of confidence that I never had before when facing unknown situations. I feel like I can step into the unknown, not look back to the past, and embrace what is about to come at me be it good or bad.
Did InspiroBot really give me a self-revelation about my life? Talk about the rapid pace of change in the world.
At the same time, certain things stay the same. It is that time of the year – Up Your Alley is next weekend – so time to start figuring out all of my outfits for the various events I will be attending.
I think I am starting to ramble – time to take a quick shower and get my ass to the office.
Being comfortable in your own skin can sometimes be fragile. I am always amazed at what little things will set me back.
One of the things I have noticed is that I stop taking selfies when I am no longer comfortable in my own skin. Lately, I have noticed there is a direct correlation to this when I stop working out as much. Last week, I had to take a break for a bit since my left knee was bugging me a bit so I took a five or so days off from running. And what I noticed is that I felt awful at the end. It took dragging my ass out of bed a few days ago and going back out for a run to feel normal again.
Other than that, I have been having a busy week – I had a work related meetup last night and I have another one tonight. When you factor in these meetups, they make for 12-14 hour days. I am slowly getting my road trip thoughts up and published. My goal is for that to be all be done Saturday morning. Unfortunately, I am going to have to put on my corporate drag soon and head into the office.
I know it takes a while for people to accept physical changes to their bodies. Somehow I still have not accepted it. I still feel like I am much larger than I am. While it doesn’t really seem like the changes over the last six months have been big to me, they really are when put in comparison with the past. Even when that past was still good for me. Most people would still not say anything negative about my body then!
I am slowly starting to understand what changes caused these positive outcomes. And one of the things I am quickly learning is to not dwell on the past and look forward. Look at where you want to go, your body, mind, and spirit will follow. I really think this change in my personality came with the motorcycle.
When I look at myself from this angle, and compare to the past, it is clear that my body is following where I want to go. I told myself at the end of last year I need to make some physical changes and I have. It may be a little bit here and there, and I may get discouraged.
I think it has been a good thing that I have a narcissistic selfie addiction. It has been helping me document my life as I evolve. But now I need to get ready for work and deal with my long day today.
Last night was amusing to me. I decided that before I spend 4-6 hours riding around coastal and mountain roads that I should make sure the suit fits right and get it broken in a bit. So I just rode around SF for a two hours. While it should come as no surprise to anyone, it really felt like I now was the rabbit that every street racer on two or four wheels wanted to chase. Instead of giving them what they wanted, I just didn’t give a fuck and cruised around at my own pace. I didn’t even care when a scooter rider tried to race me down Oak (and seriously, who does that – the lights are fucking timed for 30!). To me I was just amused.
I am sure I amused some people as well, the guy in race gear cruising around at the speed limit and just taking it chill. When I started riding, my sane friends told me to just not worry about anyone else on the road and do things at my own pace. This might be the best advice one can follow.
Now I can see why people with less self control can get themselves in trouble wearing race suits. I’ve read several articles about it, and now I understand why. My body just clicks into place on the motorcycle in a very controlling, aggressive, and confident position – that was just upright. Once I was able to get some clear roads, I found out how much it made a difference. Going around some of the twisty roads, I found myself going much faster through the corners than I have in the past. Some of this is the new tires on Matte, but the new gear also had an effect.
I also found it much easier to hang my body off to the sides in the suit. To me this is interesting, since the gear I normally wear is pretty much track level gear as well. Since they are zipped together it is not like there is a firm connection between the butt and back. In the suit, it that firm connection meant wiggling my butt forced my back over a bit. That feedback to me is rather paramount – and I think it is the reason why I took some of the turns on O’ Shaughnessy at the speeds I took. I am not going to say how fast I took this turn, but I still had nearly a foot before my knee would make contact with the road and I was already doing a good pace. Off the back of an envelope, I would have to be doing at least 100 mph to be leaned over far enough to where my knees where scraping.
I will continue to say this – if I am ever putting my knee down on purpose on the streets, someone take my motorcycle keys away from me. Conversely, I need to get myself some track lessons and do some track days over the summer. There is something rather additive about all of this as I get more comfortable – just need to do it in a safe and controlled environment.
For me, this suit is that it feels like there are clicks on the positions for me. There is the mostly upright position which for me and my bike is somewhere about a 20 degree forward lean. Then the halfway tuck where my helmet is just getting protection from the windscreen – this is typically where my body ends up on the freeway when there is no traffic. So far so good and going between them was easy. While I could stay between the two – it was clear to me that the suit was designed to be worn in certain body positions and my natural positions fit are there.
Once I found some clear roads, it was time to go down on Matte and I went into a full tuck. It was like I had someone force my back and body down. My belly slapped down fully on the tank, elbows resting on my legs, helmet bouncing on my cell phone mount. Do’h – the phone mount is right were my helmet wanted to go! But there was no middle ground, this suit was forcing me into the correct tuck position and keeping me there. Now keep in mind, my bike is not a race bred super sport and is a bit more upright and takes some effort to go down like this in my normal gear, but it was was effortless.
Being in that position, it felt like I was on the hunt. Now I see why people get in trouble. that was a very primal feeling.
Earlier this week, I found a deal on the Dainese Aero Evo suit that was too hard to pass up as a gear head. So I jumped on it and it arrived this morning. During an all hands call I was listening to, I decided to try and get in. It was an experience getting the suit zipped up the first time. At first I feared that I would have to return it since it was not zipping up. Then I remembered you have to bend over like you are in a full tuck on the bike.
Got one side up, success! Now the other zip was fighting me. After finding some cord to use as a zipper pull, I got the it all zipped up. I was thinking to myself, I really hope this works since the next size up was out of stock and I would have to return and pass up on the deal if it didn’t fit. Next step was to zip up the calf zippers and put my boots on. Somehow I managed to get it on while the chatter of corporate goals and visions continued on in the background.
The sensation of the skin tight leather and armor was just amazing. I knew it would be a tight fit, but I felt like I could take anything that could happen to me. But walking and standing was hard. I know this is an aggressively cut motorcycle race suit, but it really was starting to feel like a bondage experience just trying to move around. But once I sat down and put myself in a position that I would be in on the bike, and it started to feel better.
I know from my other Dainese gear that it will break in a bit and the leather will stretch. The bottom half feels like the Delta Pro pants I bought after losing weight, and those were nearly impossible to get on at first. Now, they fit just perfectly. So my fear in ordering the wrong size was misplaced. Now I just sat around listening in to the corporate chatter while covered in this.
Eventually I decided I needed to make sure things fit with the back protector in, and had to get out. And this is were panic strikes, I didn’t think I could wiggle my way out alone. Uhoh. My left arm is stuck and I am just trying to shake it free. I wish I had a camera running since it must have looked funny, but then my left arm frees up and I am out! I realized I will need to wear some compression gear under it until it breaks in.
Once the call ends, I take care of some odds and ends for work, install the back protector, put on some leggings and a compression shirt, and get back in. It was much easier the second time after spending an hour in it. It was clear that it was starting to mould to my body. At this point I take some selfies. I know, a shock, right?
I head downstairs, setup the camera to take some shots with me on the bike to make sure things fit right when used for it it was meant for. The literal second after my leg was thrown over Matte, everything just hit right and felt natural. Then I put myself in a tuck. Even though this is an aggressive suit, any normal position on my bike was at home for it. While it may be a bondage like experience off the bike, it was worth it. And looking at the selfies of myself, I really felt like me.
Now it is lunch time, so I get out of it, change into jeans, then head out to hunt and kill something. While thinking about it over lunch, it feels like I have gotten both a physical and spiritual second skin. I know over time it will physically form around my body. I can’t explain why, but this piece of gear was already starting to make a spiritual connection with me and I want to explore it more.
I really want to know, what is different about this one piece suit vs my pants and jacket that zip together to form a two piece suit?
Now I can’t wait until Saturday when I am going to ride around the North Bay and break in the suit along Highway 1 and other twisty roads. Let’s start forming these connections close and expand them further. I bought Matte to go explore, I didn’t think it was going to make me start exploring my spiritual side again – that will be a topic of a different post.
There is a part of me wondering why I stopped being myself for a bit. After the fracture, I stopped being myself for a bit and didn’t wear leggings or my other gear out and about as I normally do. Even once I recovered, I noticed I tended to be wearing jeans instead of leggings. Subconsciously, I think this was leading me to a state of disassociation since I no longer felt like who I was.
Last night I said fuck it and let’s get back on track with life. Once I got home and changed out of my leathers I put on the Blackmilk coffee bean leggings and then headed out to Trader Joe’s to grab stuff for dinner. As I was walking up, I was thinking to myself, why was I hiding form the world?
It took me walking past a group of stereotypical hipsters looking all awkward tight skinny jeans, plaid, and the fur hats to realize a big thing. I feel like myself and I am confident dressed the way I am. I never want to be that person who is not comfortable in their own skin, even if it is just walking up the road to grab groceries.
However, Leggings and Motorcycles don’t mix. I’d like to keep my skin intact, thank you very much. It is going to be interesting to see how my wardrobe evolves from here. While I never have issue wearing leather out and about, I did break down and buy a pair of Bull-It SR6 Riding Jeans to avoid looking like a complete alien for short trips around town. On the other hand, I have found walking into a store in a two piece race suit does get you the quickest service.
Over the past three months I have made a lot of changes to my life. Between buying a motorcycle and fracturing my clavicle, my life has reshaped. And these new experiences are distracting me from other healthy habits that I was starting to form last year. One of the unfortunate things has been that I have not been writing as much, which is something I really didn’t want to drop off.
In the past three months, even with the fact that I not on Matte (the motorcycle) for over a month while the fracture recovered, I put on 4,000 miles on him. As I put on the miles on the bike, I continue to learn more about myself. But getting this on paper has been really hard for me, since I have not been able to come up with the right words to explain the changes and feelings I have. All I know is that I feel more or less myself when on Matte and I arrive at my destination refreshed.
I also stopped taking as many selfies despite my continued weight loss from my diet changes. Part of this has been a crunch for time in my day. But it really started to wane while I was recovering from the fracture. The strange thing is I kept my weight loss on track during that period, and I am down nearly 30 lbs since the beginning of the year.
This brings me to what my goals are for June. I want to get back in the habit of posting gear selfies and thoughts on a regular basis – and today seems like a good way to start it back up. I also want to write down all of the thoughts that I have been failing to get down on paper or online.
Still confused on how I can truly enjoy coffee while in a helmet.
Over the last few months I have not been writing as much. When I fractured my collarbone – it sent me into a lot of depression. However, after 4 weeks into the recovery my life was starting to get back to normal but I have not bounced back to my old normal. As I have mentioned before, when I fracture bones my life seems to change.
Right now I am sitting in one of my neighborhood Irish pubs watching the band setup while I write this. This pub was one of the first neighborhood bars I walked into after moving to SF four and a half years ago. In this time, my life has changed so much that it is hard to enumerate. Somehow sitting here with a pint of Guinness is making me really reflect hard on things. Over the last few months there have been a few defining moments. Buying the motorcycle, fracturing my collarbone, and getting called “The Cleaner” (Winston Wolfe from Pulp Fiction) at work.
I am going to leave the work stuff aside – since I personally don’t like taking about those issues openly on the internet. But in many ways, it is how I deal with things and is a very apt description of my personality. The fracture i have talked about before, and honestly, I really feel like it was a bump in the road for the changes that was caused by the primary catalyst – buying a motorcycle.
Over the last 2.5 months, I have put on over 2,500 miles on Matte. Yes – I named the motorcycle Matte after a suggestion from Diesel. Like my puppy name, my bike’s name is also from a friend and it just sounds right. And leads to a lot of S&M jokes. Given that for a month I was unable to ride Matte, It is very impressive that I have put on that much in 1.5 months of riding. In that short time frame, I am learning a lot about myself.
The big thing for me is that I have found a source of zen like no other. This is something you typically hear form many bikers. As soon as I put on the helmet, pull on the gloves, and start the motor up, I have to clear out everything from my head and focus on riding. This state of catharsis is like no other that I have felt, including various bondage scenes. Even on my 50 mile each way commute, I am in this state when I reach my destination.
Over the next few days I need to get these thoughts down on paper. While maybe they are not unique – they have been instrumental in understanding the evolution of myself.
I haven’t been posting in a while. Things have been busy for me in a many aspects of my life. Honestly spending time on the motorcycle has been a good chunk of that time. But today, I think pushed the limits of my self control.
After a really frustrating back and forth at the office, I had to take a walk and get some fresh air 10 minutes before my next meeting. I walked outside and my body ended up going on auto pilot ended up walking across the open area to the parking garage. At this point I just stared at my motorcycle with the key in hand. After about 30-45 seconds I put the key back in my pocket.
A few things went through my mind. The first was I had no gear on. Everything, including my helmet, were still at my desk. While I can break many promises to myself, this is one I was not going to break. I’ve seen too many accident videos, have first hand accounts from friends, and know doctors and nurses and know that the layer of dead cow and armor will help reduce the risk of injuries a lot. The other realization was if I stayed in this mind set, even if I had the gear on, I would probably do something stupid and should step back and calm down.
That’s when it hit me, I have formed a deep seeded respect for motorcycles and the vulnerability one faces when piloting it down the road.
I know if I drove the car in, none of these thoughts would have gone in my mind. There was a good chance that I would have burned out of the parking garage hitting triple digits going down the road leading to 101 without giving it a second thought.
I think it is time to get some sleep and reflect more tomorrow.
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