I keep going hot and cold on writing. A lot of this has to do with the situations around my personal life right now. When I am overly stressed, I tend to write less. Right now, I have a lot going on. Overall, I am OK – just really busy. If I have not been visible in the community it is because my personal and work life have been my priorities.
This weekend was Bay to Breakers and I just needed to get the hell out of town. I didn’t want to be around all of the straight drunk people who invade SF and act like complete assholes. Given the number of Irish pubs in my neighborhood, you would understand. I decided to pack Matte up and head out to Death Valley.
1200 miles in 52 hours. I left SF at 4:30 pm on Friday and got home around 8 pm on Sunday evening. It really felt like the trip was longer, but it was really only a weekend trip. It was well worth it – even given the fact that I managed to wear out the chain on Matte this trip.
1200 miles in 52 hours. Yesterday alone was nearly 600 miles of riding that contained 4 mountain passes and 100 miles of 30-40mph headwinds. On top of that my chain decided to go from being good but nearing the end of the adjustment range to OMG – REPLACE ME NOW in the last 150 miles of the trip.
But what a lovely trip it was. I will be posting up a trip report and pictures tonight or tomorrow. But it’s time to shower and get my ass to the office.
Yesterday I attempted to sell my car. However due to a huge mess with the California DMV, CarMax is unable to buy my car until California has things updated right. So despite having a free and clear title in hand I get to deal with the DMV tomorrow. *tears hair*
The good news is the new espresso machine has seemed to adjusted the grinder dosing (yes, the machine is self-learning). The coffee that is coming out of it is a lot better than my old machine. It appears that this grinder is grinding the coffee finer than the last machine. Also – the coffee is hotter. I was starting to suspect the old machine was reaching its last legs even before it broke. With it so cold, I decided that I needed to pre-warm my gear before hopping on Matte.
And I just did things for me today. Hopped on Matte and seeked out breakfast. I went to Apple Fritter and got a bacon hash and (finally) an Apple Fritter. This was the first time ever that they had apple fritters available when I have been there – since they often sell out. Once I finished my Fat Dog Agenda – I then headed up to the Treasure Island Flea – which is now the Treasure Island Fest.
Unfortunately this name change appears to be bad. One of my regular vendors I go to for tea and spices said next month will be their last. It has felt like for a bit that they are going higher end – and this is bad for me since it was one of the reasons I attended. Also I have noticed a drop in the more down to earth type of stands. Not everything needs to be 10 buck bars of organic goat milk soap or artisanal cupcakes. Sometimes we all need the cheap little stuff in our lives.
On the way back I stopped by Wicked Grounds. I noticed that I sometimes feel strange for having a life and interests outside of kink. Recently I have not been as active in the community due to many reasons. But also, I am tired of attending play parties and having nothing happen. My rule of thumb is if you want to have a scene with me, say something to me before and I can make it work. But I have hit the point where I have too much in my life to Stand and Model at an S&M party and have nothing happen.
Now I get to clean up the mess I made digging though lots of old mail for the hassles of yesterday.
Yes, I am addicted. For the last two weeks, I went without having a super-automatic espresso machine after my old one decided to stop working. I am not complaining too much for getting 13 years out of it. I realized how much more coffee I was going through making French Press and I also missed the taste of espresso. It was time to order a new one. So I claimed any recognition points at work for amazon gift cards and bought one – no one will ever argue over saving 300 bucks on a device like this.
Now that my coffee is back to being controlled by robots – I will have more time for selfies again.
But thinking about it – I think I have a fetish of being controlled by robots. There will be more info about a personal project I am working on with a friend control me in sexual situations. Stay tuned.
As I was waking up I was thinking to myself this morning, “Why am I beating myself up?” Little setbacks lately have been ended up as major issues. I really need to stop doing that. But why is this happening?
I think this is one of the downsides of living in San Francisco. You are surrounded by many successful people (or at least they portray that they are successful) in both your personal life and corporate life. When you have friends who do porn, who are perfect looking, who have no issues hooking up – it amplifies all of your imperfections. The people I know who look up to me often are shocked that I have these insecurities – but I do.
And it is the same thing on the business side. I meet up with people who seem to be successful entrepreneurs, or they are successful in a specific niche. There are days I ask myself, what I am missing? What could I be doing different to tap into this market?
This all leads to having any setback feel like a huge blow. Be it my weight or issues with my career. By all means I am doing well on both fronts. When all you have to compare yourself are externally perfect – it is hard to keep a balanced perspective on your life. I need to break this cycle.
This is also a reminder to everyone that what someone externally portrays themselves as is not always the reality
Over the past few months, I have fallen out with a bunch of the habits I built up. More or less over the past few weeks I have gotten back on them and I should get back to posting my selfies here along with other social media sites. Over the next few days I am getting back to writing.
Writing these posts about what I am thinking really has helped center me. I don’t know how many people who follow me actually read them. In a way, It doesn’t matter if you are following me for my pictures or my thoughts. The goal for me is to just get what is spinning around my head down. Sometimes that’s all I need to get something that is building up out of me so I can get back to a sense of normalcy.
Many of these upcoming posts will be about having the motorcycle for a year. It has changed my life in many ways, mostly positive. And having gone head first into owning a sportbike there are many things I have learned that I think will be helpful next time someone asks me about learning to ride.
Also, selfies have also been hard for me since I have gained 10lbs due to work and family stress over the past few months. I have managed to get back on track again and will be getting myself back to it. The hardest thing to do is getting back to a running routine. 10lbs is enough to make your body hate you when running even a short distance like 5k.
But for now, here are some of my morning coffee selfies. It was too cold to run this morning, I will take a run after lunch and there may be more up later.
Actually – one of the habits I need to get back in to is my selfie habit. I have not been good about posting them up to my site here and I need to just do it again.
Part of the reason is I take the motorcycle in to the office now. When I was taking the train, it was easy for me to write down my thoughts and post up the selfies with them. But now, I just don’t feel like writing when I get home or before I leave. I really want to get back to doing it again – so let’s start.
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