SV Pride 2016 Pictures


The photos for Silicon Valley Pride 2016 are up now.

In a way it was a nice little quaint pride parade. Compared to SF Pride, this was a complete swing in the other direction. The march was about 3 long blocks long, with a nice laid back festival. In the future, whenever I hear people in SF bitch about how corporate Pride has become, I will point them to SV Pride along with Oakland Pride as their alternatives.

But for now, I need to head into the office for a chaotic week.

A selfie conversation

Morning arrives. Alarm Wakes

Buzz… Buzz… Buzz…

Put my eyes in.

Reality blinks into focus.

Walk into the closet.

How do I want the world to see me today

Put on the spandex.  Colorful, shiny, and tight…

Second guess myself.

Tie my shoes.

Ready to brave the world.

Grab headphones and turn on the music.

Do I want the world to see me in this?

Do I listen to this self doubt?



Put aside this feeling, pick a direction.

Ignore the world around me

Let my body pick a pace.

Run somewhere where I won’t be visible.

Head into nature.  What little we have.

Sweaty, awake, refreshed…

See other people.  Some ignore, but some stare.

‘Freak’ ‘Fatass’ and other words of harm they must think

Continue until I get home.  Walk into the door.

Grab the camera and let the daily ritual continue…

Click… Click… Click… Chimp… Chimp… Chimp…

Criticize every flaw in my body.

Select the pictures.  Process them.

Ponder what will yield the best social media reaction…

Post to social media sites.  Wait for likes…

No one will like this!

Doubt settles in…

Is this what I look like now?

Yes, this is the results of your hard work.

A deluge of likes and reactions, further disconnect

This is not you… This is all an illusion!

Is this me?  My mind can not accept…

Still wearing the sweat soaked spandex.

That can’t be my ass, my legs, my bulge.

It is an illusion…

That can’t be my smile.

That is not you.  It is the illusion you put on social media!

These feelings overtake and saturate my mind

But it is you.

The struggle continues as I change for the day.

Peel off the spandex.

Someone is masturbating to your selfie

Normally that thought would make me laugh

But no one would do that…

Why don’t I accept who I have become?

It is all temporary…

It is not…

Why does this struggle surface?

Large changes are hard to accept…

Nothing is permanent… You will fail!

Can I put these doubts behind and move on?

You can’t!

But you must!

Pen and Paper

What I am finding out is that my thoughts flow very differently when writing with a pen on paper. So much so, that I have decided to keep a paper diary (and lead to a conversation about pens). When I feel like I want to post something, I can transcribe and edit it then.

But I arrived here by a little $3 purchase, something so insignificant and innocent that it is hard to believe. A few years ago I bought a cheap disposable fountain pen. This was done in an effort to write cleaner and put less stress on my hands. It worked. My handwriting became cleaner, and I can write longer. But what I found is that I enjoy writing on paper again. To me, there is something meditative about this process.

With some life events that have popped up, I am starting to re-evaluate parts of my life again. One of the things I need to do is reflect more about day-to-day events that happen. Writing things down on paper seems to be a good first start on this journey.

One of the life changes was as simple as a pen. This change will stay with me. There is something so ironic about the high tech person here eschewing electrons for a primitive instrument. In the end for me it is about balance, and we all go through swings in life.

Maybe I over did this last swing. While I have become very involved in the SF leather community, and have traveled to many leather and fetish events over the past few years, I feel like I am fairly out of alignment.

It will take time, but I will figure out which path to go down next.


Yesterday during lunch, the Olympics were on TV while we were eating. The men’s steeplechase qualifiers was on. If you have never watched it, you can’t help but giggle when they jump over the hurdle and into water. It’s almost like a horse race, and we joked about it. As we kept on going one of my co workers was still confused by the whole event. To paraphrase:

Me: Just imagine if they had pony masks on.

Him: That would just be freaky.

Body Type Rambling

While grabbing dinner last night, one of my friends said something that has been weighing on me. He asked me what body type does he fit into. This of course lead to the whole gay body type spectrum conversation and where we think various people we know fit in. In the end, I don’t think we really determined what body type bin we should put him in.

But when I woke up this morning I realized that this is obsession over body types is often unhealthy. Maybe this goes back to the fact that I am not hyper-sexual in this previous post. Sexual attraction is a complex subject and discrimination is often part of it. But what happens if you don’t neatly fall into one of the discrete choices?

We have somehow made the act of finding someone to fuck (or be fucked by) a SQL statement. Login to Grindr/Scruff/Recon (or any app for that matter), see who is near by filtered by the small set of ‘interests’ and body types.  Voilà you have found today’s fling which you will probably never see again. But what happens if you the people whom which you are compatible with for a regular fuck buddy or even as a partner(s) for doesn’t self identify this way?

*Sips coffee* I think I will leave this here for the moment. I keep on having many diverging thoughts to the matter.

Post Event Drop Thoughts: Sexuality Spectrum

Even when the event is local, there is a bit of an emotional drop for the next few days. After Up Your Alley this year I’ve been pondering more than normal to distract me away from the chaos at work.

One of the thoughts going through my head this morning is that I have never seemed to fit the stereotypical norm regarding sexuality in the gay community. I have never really felt hypersexual in my day-to-day life. But even amongst the crowds I follow, it more or less seems to be the norm. Events like Up Your Alley, Folsom, and even Pride make me feel kinda awkward afterwords since for me sex is not my primary goal in attending or working them.

Recently this image keeps on making it around.


I think it is a better way to look at things. One’s moods change day-by-day, it is best if you look at it where you live on a normal day. If I had to place myself, I am somewhere around a D5 and E5 in my day-to-day life. But for me to feel hyper-sexual is not a common thing for me. It generally requires that I am in the right mood and right crowd. It is one of the reasons I don’t end up at many sexually charged spaces like bathhouses regularly.

Very rarely do I see someone and go, I want to go pin them down to the ground and breed their ass (or vice versa).

I am thinking it is one of the reasons why I have been getting into more watersports. Since I don’t have that hyper-sexual drive I don’t feel that immediate connection at first.  But there is still pleasure in the dominant act of pissing on or in them (I’ll have to post about how I started getting more involved in that another day). But what I am finding is that these acts often provide that initial connection that I need to make that sexual connection, even it if is just a quick fling.

Also being oblivious to people’s reaction doesn’t help. On more than one occasion someone has gotten upset that I didn’t pick up on subtle clues that they wanted to fuck. I think it might be tied in to this.

That’s all for my thoughts this morning.


Up Your Alley

This was a tough weekend for me. On Friday night I ended up getting myself into a slump that was hard to get out of.  It took a lot of effort on Saturday to get the motivation to head out to the Mr. S party before having to deal with RMSF duties at Powerhouse later that evening. But somehow, I got out of the funk on Sunday and was able to get a lot of great pictures from Up Your Alley.

After getting sunburnt, getting a good dinner on Sunday, and processing the photos – I started to feel much better. This one image sums up all of the good things about this weekend. Seeing people enjoying themselves, their lovers, their daddies, their sirs, their puppies, their slaves, their… well you get the gist now. I have placed up all of the photos I took from UYA at here and they are very NSFW.

2016 – Up Your Alley Street Fair Photos