The Men of the 2018 Bare Chest CalendarI just realized that I have a backlog of a lot of photos from the SF K9 Unit Woof Camp and now the 2018 Bare Chest Calendar Finals. I will get to to them in due time everyone – things in my life have just been crazy.
Over the last few months I have not been writing as much. When I fractured my collarbone – it sent me into a lot of depression. However, after 4 weeks into the recovery my life was starting to get back to normal but I have not bounced back to my old normal. As I have mentioned before, when I fracture bones my life seems to change.
Right now I am sitting in one of my neighborhood Irish pubs watching the band setup while I write this. This pub was one of the first neighborhood bars I walked into after moving to SF four and a half years ago. In this time, my life has changed so much that it is hard to enumerate. Somehow sitting here with a pint of Guinness is making me really reflect hard on things. Over the last few months there have been a few defining moments. Buying the motorcycle, fracturing my collarbone, and getting called “The Cleaner” (Winston Wolfe from Pulp Fiction) at work.
I am going to leave the work stuff aside – since I personally don’t like taking about those issues openly on the internet. But in many ways, it is how I deal with things and is a very apt description of my personality. The fracture i have talked about before, and honestly, I really feel like it was a bump in the road for the changes that was caused by the primary catalyst – buying a motorcycle.
Over the last 2.5 months, I have put on over 2,500 miles on Matte. Yes – I named the motorcycle Matte after a suggestion from Diesel. Like my puppy name, my bike’s name is also from a friend and it just sounds right. And leads to a lot of S&M jokes. Given that for a month I was unable to ride Matte, It is very impressive that I have put on that much in 1.5 months of riding. In that short time frame, I am learning a lot about myself.
The big thing for me is that I have found a source of zen like no other. This is something you typically hear form many bikers. As soon as I put on the helmet, pull on the gloves, and start the motor up, I have to clear out everything from my head and focus on riding. This state of catharsis is like no other that I have felt, including various bondage scenes. Even on my 50 mile each way commute, I am in this state when I reach my destination.
Over the next few days I need to get these thoughts down on paper. While maybe they are not unique – they have been instrumental in understanding the evolution of myself.
I haven’t been posting in a while. Things have been busy for me in a many aspects of my life. Honestly spending time on the motorcycle has been a good chunk of that time. But today, I think pushed the limits of my self control.
After a really frustrating back and forth at the office, I had to take a walk and get some fresh air 10 minutes before my next meeting. I walked outside and my body ended up going on auto pilot ended up walking across the open area to the parking garage. At this point I just stared at my motorcycle with the key in hand. After about 30-45 seconds I put the key back in my pocket.
A few things went through my mind. The first was I had no gear on. Everything, including my helmet, were still at my desk. While I can break many promises to myself, this is one I was not going to break. I’ve seen too many accident videos, have first hand accounts from friends, and know doctors and nurses and know that the layer of dead cow and armor will help reduce the risk of injuries a lot. The other realization was if I stayed in this mind set, even if I had the gear on, I would probably do something stupid and should step back and calm down.
That’s when it hit me, I have formed a deep seeded respect for motorcycles and the vulnerability one faces when piloting it down the road.
I know if I drove the car in, none of these thoughts would have gone in my mind. There was a good chance that I would have burned out of the parking garage hitting triple digits going down the road leading to 101 without giving it a second thought.
I think it is time to get some sleep and reflect more tomorrow.