I am just not paying attention to the Trump inauguration today. Seriously, it is not worth having this take space in my head. And I really recommend others do the same. The legitimate media will consume and process anything real that is said today, but I expect very little to be said during any of the speeches today.
We should all go on with life. This is what I am doing. I am focused on doing things that make me happy – and this might be because I burnt myself out a little dealing with the community over the past year. But there will be no way to win if we all act triggered and traumatized by the results of the election.
Watching the sunrise yesterday with coffee
Stress can also lead to you making good choices. I am dealing with some stressful news at the office. Normally when I work from home I try to run before I start my day, and typically a short run for me is now 5k. Well yesterday, it was 5 miles. I needed to burn off the stress and get my head re-aligned. Redirect this stress into something productive – if you really feel protesting is productive, than go for it. Just don’t let it ruin your life and health.
But here are the selfies I failed to post up yesterday.
Lounging around last night trying to find my motivation.
Yesterday was a rough day at the the office. Can’t really talk about the events that took place, it was a rough afternoon and evening. I am glad that I have many things going on in my personal life to keep me motivated, otherwise I think I would be ending up in a slump.
And today’s wet weather isn’t helping me much either. This morning looks like the calm before the first storm and my evening commute looks wet and windy. i debated about driving in, but the thought of being stuck in traffic in my car just made my soul shiver. I decided to just take it slowly, or at least what I define as slow, and not let anything get to me today.
On top of that it looks like another storm is going to hit over the weekend causing me to take the MSF class in the rain. This might actually be a good thing since learning to handle a motorcycle in the wet weather is something that I would have to learn anyways. Going to have an interesting time.
In more interesting news – I have now posted up my 1000th photo to Instagram, which was an ass selfie. I have been doing those a bit more since I have been cycling. I don’t like wearing my printed leggings on the bike because getting chain grease and road grit out of clothing can ruin them.
When I get a lot of reaction to my gear, this always comes to mind:
It’s interesting, I get all of this reaction online – yet I hardly see it in the real world. I know part of it is that I am oblivious to being cruised, but I also wonder how much of it is other people not being forward and reacting in real life. This is the dichotomy that I don’t understand.
Is it because people can be anonymous online and they feel there is less risk? Am I that intimidating all geared up?
Watching the sunrise on Caltrain
As I sit here watching the sunrise on Caltrain I realize it is time to start another work week.
Being Meta – Selfie of me in gear processing selfies of me in gear.
While I was on a 40 mile bike (bicycle, grr it sucks to have to disambiguate) ride, my new semi-transparent blue catsuit from Invincible Rubber arrived. After I bought all of that Hi-Vis Yellow and Blue MX gear, wearing it over a black catsuit didn’t seem right. So I ordered the Paneled Pouch Front Suit, and I am so glad I did.
I just feel damned sexy in this
To me, this look feels complete. I don’t think there is much more other than some elbow and forearm armor (which I have not found in yellow) to really complete it. While I may be in to other various kinks and fetishes, gear is my primary one. And it always seems that I get interested in the gear and next thing I know, I am actually doing the activity.
I need to get someone to do an outdoor shoot with me in this gear
In this case – it is not a hard stretch to end up getting a dual sport or dirt bike and wearing this out in public. I am already on the path to get a motorcycle, and if I no longer have a car in my garage space, I can easily fit a second motorcycle in it. We will see what happens in the future.
Overall the catsuit fits well – I think next time I need to do a made to measure suit. My shoulders are a bit wider than the standard cut and the sleeves are a tad short (by about a 1-2 cm). But the color! I am in love with this color. It is so saturated yet transparent. Something about it just screams me. Even without the gear on, I think it looks great. There is no way that I can hide wearing this suit or gear – this will draw attention.
Now I need someone to do a photo shoot of me in this out in public somewhere 😉
Generally I post my thoughts on Facebook, but lately I have been paying less and less attention to it. In a way, Facebook has been taking too much space in my mind and too much time up. With things calming down locally, I uninstalled it from my phone. So far, No earth shattering kaboom and I feel like I need it less and less.
As I look to what I want to do for 2017, I have realized something. The realization might be very self centered, but it is what I need to be happy for myself. I need to make this about me and not others. I am going to be stepping back from a lot of things I have been doing. The only kink/fetish related travel I am going to do this year is Drummer North America. The only reason that is still happening is that I booked it last year and it is mostly planned. I am also stepping back from my involvement with various groups. The type of involvement I do want to have with the community needs to be aligned with my goals and not what others want from me.
I do want to make this clear, I am willing to still help out with photography for various groups. The reason why is that I really do enjoy it and it is my artistic outlet. I still will go ahead and do my Guys in Gear Drinking Coffee series, but that is going to be secondary to my primary goal for the first half of the year.
The theme around my year is to explore California and to rekindle my connection with nature. I moved out here 4 years ago and really haven’t left the bubble of the Bay Area. The reason why is I don’t feel motivated being caged up in a car. When I cycle around, I feel more ambitious. I am in the process of getting my M1 license, the rider course is next weekend, and will be buying a motorcycle sometime in February. With my current job being an mentally undrivable commute for me, I will be ditching the car as well since I am using another form of two wheels, my bicycle, and Caltrain to get to the office.
I guess having a gear fetish makes it easier to justify buying all of the gear I needed first.
Since my new commute involve a lot more cycling – I am quickly noticing that I just don’t want to be caged up. The sunrise was beautiful yesterday morning, but the whole time I was thinking, I much rather be in head to toe in leather two wheeling it or back outside on my bicycle cutting through the fog with my own body.
What I really want to do is just show up to work on Friday with my motorcycle, a small bag with my camera and a few extra t-shirts, and after work just escape the Bay Area and explore all weekend long. I want to get lost around the mountains and find places for taking sunrises and sunsets. I want to find various ponds filled with birds. More importantly, I want to have fun getting there and doing this. My tongue should be hanging when I come down a mountain.
Worrying about my job right now is secondary. There is a lot of uncertainty in what is going on with my employer. When I step back and think about it I keep on seeing opportunity, I just need to see how things play out over the next few months. I will write about the mental mind shift I have been having when I get into my bike kit – this may be one of the healthiest observations I have noticed about my new long commute.
Outside of doing some longer rides on my bicycle this weekend and hosting a play party, I don’t have many plans. I think cleaning up the home office will rise to the top of my list given how messy it is from the second selfie.
On that note – time to make more coffee and start packing the car up with the stuff needed for the party.
Keeping a written journal has been one of the best outlets for my mind since I started it. The act of writing down my deep thoughts onto paper via a fountain pen has really allowed me to reflect on events in my life and the world. Many of them never make it up to social media or my site, and that is how it should be. But sometimes, there is something I write that just hits it home.
Days ago I wrote down the following lines into my Journal. Each day, it echoed in my head. Little did I know just writing these words would refocus my outlook for 2017:
I am vulnerable; I have exposed myself to the world. Fear will not hold me in a cage no longer.
I think next year is going to be an interesting year.
Over the summer, I got in the habit of spending about thirty minutes every day writing down my thoughts. Over the last few months, I got out of the habit due to lack of time. I really need to get back into it since it was a meditative activity that was keeping me grounded. While I am not writing down using a physical pen and paper, this still helps.
At the moment, I am sitting down in one of the neighborhood Irish pubs waiting for a burger to come out of the kitchen while sipping a Drakes 1500. Not sure why any of those details matter, but it is in my train of thought right now. It’s been a cold wet day, work is frustrating me.
I’ve had a long week at work and now I just want to strangle Adobe Lightroom. I foolishly upgraded to the latest patch and somehow in 6.7 they managed to completely destroy any performance left in it. It takes over 10 seconds to load the next photo. Â This is not what I needed as I get time to deal with the next back of MIR photos.
Sorry if anyone is waiting for them. Â I am going to try and get the next few batches up shortly.
We don’t know what exactly what will happen yet. Congress holds a lot of power and there are enough rifts that maybe the Republicans in congress will come to their senses and block some this madness. Maybe the reaction we are having is over blown. I want to believe that things are not going to be as bad as I fear. I want to have hope, but it is so dark outside.
Regardless of what may happen – we need to prepare to fight.
For the first time ever in my life, I am worried about my personal safety and right to exist as an openly gay American even in a city like SF. I feel like it is time to prepare for this four year long battle.
The photo below is from the Kemang Wa Lehulere: In All My Wildest Dreams art exhibation at the Art Institute of Chicago. When I took this photo of the shattered dogs installed as part of the exhibition, I never thought this is how I would feel merely 12 hours after.
I did not have a good weekend – and mine wasn’t due to how people were acting or anything social. I had some medication changes over the last month. One of the side effects has been that my body has become less gradual on reactions.
Before this weekend, the only one I have noticed is that I can’t handle alcohol anymore. I go from sober to drunk in no time flat. On Saturday, this happened for the third time in the month, and I spent pretty much from 5pm till Sunday morning trying to get normal. Â For the most part, I was more or less feeling normal on Sunday morning for setup.
But it looks like there is a new reaction as well – I can’t handle the heat anymore.
Despite drinking lots of water Saturday and Sunday morning – the heat still took me out on Folsom Sunday. At the event I was counting how much water and Gatorade I was drinking. When I went out to my car the first time to just sit down in AC, I was up to 5L of water consumed and few bottles of Gatorade – on top of everything else I had before going to the Folsom Street Fair. I was keeping about 1L/Hour of fluid intake yesterday. But on the way to my car, I nearly passed out. After sitting for 45 minutes with the AC on max, I felt better and went back – I was so glad that I drove down and got a parking space on 10th and Howard right by the gate.
Real quick, I started going downhill again and had to leave at 5 before I could help for breakdown.
Now it’s 11am the Monday after and I am now only feeling more or less normal again. It’s already 75 degrees in my office, and 80 up in the living room. I am going to try and stay cool and take care of all of the photos that are in my backlog on my recovery day off from work.
The corner of Folsom and Dore – where the RMSF Booth located this year.
 
